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Dear Doug,
Not even my wife reads me as attentively as you do. I little thought that you cherished my notes so fondly! If you’re keeping a scrapbook, please, tie it with a blue ribbon rather than a pink. I’ve never been a girly-girl. (And if you want an autographed photo, please contact my agent, Victoria Sanders.)
As I’m a fan of cheap irony (as well as The Three Stooges), I enjoyed your message. To call for honesty while engaging in selective quotation, disingenuous argumentation, and guilt by association—that’s slick. It is an honor to be called a hypocrite by a Pharisee of your caliber. If only Rush Limbaugh would call me a bleeding heart liberal, my life would be complete.
I not only support diversity, I promote it and celebrate it. As Martha would say, "It's a good thing." There are limits, however, to my tolerance. Recognizing that you have the same right to exist that I have does not mean that I am obliged to agree with you, pat you on the back, or buy you a beer. We're living in the West, not a Western—there's room enough in this here town for the both of us.
That doesn't mean, of course, that we have to like it.
Here's a lump of coal for your stocking,
Joan Opyr
AKA Auntie Establishment
PS: Let me make it clear that I don’t speak for the Moscow Civic Association. Individual liberty being an essential part of my own progressive agenda, I speak only for me. People are free to agree or disagree as they see fit. It’s all about democracy and making sure your voice is heard. But you know that, don’t you, Doug?