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Visionaries:
I found this blowing in the wind:
8/9/02
Greetings from the prude town of Moscow, where women are repressed to keep men from exploding. Yes, indeed, our steamy summer saw roaming bands of topless carwashes, spraying every car with sex and suds. Wherever you turned, you were smacked upside the head with bossums. I was even poked in the eye by the countless mammary glands. Dangerous, indeed!
So our city council passed a little law. Ordinance 2002-13 makes it illegal for a woman to expose any portion of her breasts, which includes her nipples, sides or bottoms of her breasts, to public view. Public view includes private property if a woman can be seen from a public space. Many bathing suits, some sleeveless blouses, low cut dresses, and other garments now violate the law. It also bans exposure of the division between the buttocks for both sexes.
The fine is up to $500, or 6 months in jail.
Forget the fact that the ordinance is sexist and unconstitutional and suppresses the rights of women in order to prevent another person from feeling a certain way. As long as the dangers of vixen women are diminished!
But lo! Behold! There is a new group, Muscovites for Equal Rights (MER), that has formed to combat this righteous law! MER has started a petition drive to put the ordinance to a public vote. 2300 signatures of registered voters in the city of Moscow must be collected by September 24.
What are they thinking, women deserve the same rights as men? Don't they know the new fad is government mandated apparel? Who cares if department stores have to pack their now illegal merchandise of bikinis, tank tops and semi-opaque clothing and ship it to California.
They even say someone will challenge the law in court, costing Moscow taxpayers money to defend the law. They even suggest it will be shot down by the courts. Don't these people have any good sitcoms to watch?
8/15/02
They've been knocking on my door again. Won't they go away? I am safe in my shelter. They won't get me. I can't believe them. Listen to the preacher. He says women must stay covered. Maybe I can move to Afghanastan. At least the women there no how to dress properly. And they don't get sunburned.
They stuffed a leaflet under my door. Do I dare read? Hmmm... Could they be right? Should women be guaranteed equal treatment under the law as the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution stipulates? I'm sooo confused! It must be those femenists, or as my buddy Rush Limboon says "Feminazis." Women are less then men. At least that has been the lesson of world history.
9/10/02
I attended Moscow's First Annual Civil Rights Celebration. I'm converted. You must sign the petition! Women are being harrased by cops for showing "too much" breast cleavage. They've given up fighting real crime. They are obsessed with this new law. All they can think of is staring at women to see if they are breaking the law. That is power in the wrong hands. At least I'm not a women. I'd hate to be embarrased by some cop who can't keep his eyes off my breasts.
"What are we doing to Women?!:("