Lucy Zoe asks why not hold parents responsible for
the misdeeds of their children? I use my own family as an example to answer that
question:
I and my wife are parents to special needs tykes.
They are a handful, not only to ourselves, but to the society we live in as
well. Not a week goes by that we aren't meeting with school officials, police
officers or irrate neighbors because our children do the things damaged children
do.
I suppose you could blame their messed-up mother
who drank and drugged it up while carrying them. Or their biological father who
fed them vodka in a bottle when they were yet infants. Or maybe we could lay the
blame on the parents of their biological parents for not raising THEIR children properly. But these aren't people
our children call parents, these are people our children have no recollection of
existing. We are their parents, and we listen nearly every day to folks who
point fingers and accuse us of being without parenting skills (even though we've
raised 5 other - now grown - children
of our own who brought us praise as super parents because they have achieved so
much).
You have to ask yourself if we are truly the
'misguiding' parents we're constantly accused of because of the actions of our
children? I don't believe so.
Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to push off my
responsibility in raising our boys. It's just that I, and apparently all the
so-called child experts have no clue as how to 'train' damaged children to grow
up overcoming their problems. I most certainly am offended when I'm told I am
responsible for any naughty things they may do.
As for the young women who want to show their
breasts in public because they're more stuck on women's liberation than on
old-time moral beliefs: How could their parents be held responsible? Should
their daddies come to Moscow and spank their butts?
I believe, if we could see their parents back when
they raised them we wouldn't see abuse, neglect, misteaching, bad examples or
anything else negative. Today, unfortunately young people are given free reign
to do as they please. Parents are handcuffed by our society in that old-time
methods of controlling children who are out-of-control are deemed "wrongful
parenting".
If any of us
good parents were the parents of these young women and raised them as we
did the rest of our children, do we suppose they would NOT be doing the same
things they do today? If you do think they would have turned out any
differently under your parenting skills,
you still have a lot to learn about parenting today.
-- from Bear
Nisse
When did parents
stop being accountable for the actions of their children? At what age do they
cease to be the result of a parent's production? Parents boldly proclaim
affiliation when their offspring does something acceptable, but are quick to
sever responsibilities when actions are questionable.
Why is it so
reprehensible to say that a child's actions may be a direct result of a
parent's lack of success in an area of parenting? We link parental
behavior to physical abuse and alcoholism in offspring, so why not other
behaviors? Our parents are our first teachers. We model their behavior and we
learn. And then many people spend the rest of their lives fighting to erase
learned behaviors and create new ones.
Somehow it's
easier to say, "That's my son, he's a doctor, teacher, good father, writer,
etc.," then it is to say, "That's my son, he's a convict, child molester,
can't hold a job, abandoned his wife and children, etc." We learn a
multitude of things from our parents by just observing them. I would venture
to say that most of what we learn is unspoken.
So again...why
aren't fathers responsible for their daughters? When those women showed their
breasts to earn money...where were their parents? Do you you really believe it
doesn't matter? If what parents teach doesn't matter and their behavior is
insignificant, then who is responsible for raising productive members of
society?
More importantly,
why all the outrage when a *father* speaks out and suggests that fathers
should be *more* responsible for the actions of their children? I find it
totally absurd that anyone would come unglued by such a suggestion. If not the
parents...then who is teaching our children?
Lucy
Zoe