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FUNdamentalist Declares "All Out Peace!"


Another side to the current political arena.
some FUNdamentalist zen for peace from one of our laugh masters, swami
beyondananda ...
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Swami Launches Blisskrieg, Declares "All Out Peace!"

"Patch Adams leads an amfunniest landing in Afghanistan."

Swami Beyondananda, spiritual leader to millions of FUNdamentalists
(accent on "fun") has launched a worldwide "blisskrieg" in a declaration
of "all out peace!"

Speaking from a platform at his new virtual address at
http://www.wakeuplaughing.com, the Swami said, "We've been holding our
peace for far too long. It's time to let it out! Why should peacekeepers
keep the peace for themselves when the world needs it so badly nowadays?"

The Swami was interrupted numerous times by gleeful supporters shouting
the peace mantra, "Ah .. peace on it!" and waving banners reading "Our
World: Love It Or Leave It!" "Play For Nonjudgment Day" and
"Disarmaggedon Is Near!"

"It's a fight to the life!" Swami told his minions, vowing to open the
floodgates of love, light and laughter to cleanse the body politic of
cultural, economic and political toxins that have caused folks to "take
things poisonally" -- and perpetuate war....

"Because the key to lasting peace is laughter," he told the crowd. "Do
you know what the leading cause of war and terrorism is? I will tell
you. It is seriousness. Seriousness is the most serious problem we face
on the planet today. I'm serious. Think about it. Every terrorist act --
not to mention terror itself -- begins with seriousness. Everywhere we
look, we are faced with laugh-threatening seriousness." The Swami called
on his supporters to "report any serious behavior to the Department of
Omland Security."

"Levity, on the other hand, helps us rise above whatever's been bringing
us down," the Swami continued. "Did you know that one Youngman of
laughter -- approximately the mirth contained in the average
one-liner -- can release up to a megahurt of emotional pain?"

Finally, the Swami outlined his plan for conducting the Blisskrieg and
waging all out peace. "It is very simple indeed. While it makes no sense
to take up arms against warfare, it makes all the sense in the world to
lift up arms and embrace anything that nourishes peace." Whereupon Swami
offered the following 5-point plan to spark outbreaks of peace all
across the planet:

1. Create A Department of Emerge-n-See Planning Now. If war is a
necessary evil, why not seek peace as a necessary good? We should be
putting at least as much energy and money into secretly plotting
peace -- sneaking food and clothing into war-torn nations under the
cover of darkness, sending tanks to drought-stricken areas so that they
can capture rainwater, sending in comedy troops in an all-out amfunniest
assault -- and an even more controversial measure, dropping canisters of
laughing gas on persistent pockets of seriousness.

2. Enlist the World Religions to Do Something Useful. Prayer works.
According to Dr. Larry Dossey and others who have studied the healing
power of prayer, surgery patients who were prayed for tended to heal
more quickly. Not only that, but if the people who were doing the
praying were also prayed for, results were even better! And it worked
regardless of the language or religion they were praying in. Instead of
engaging in that childish and destructive game, "My dogma's better than
your dogma," the major religions would do better to organize a worldwide
prayer calm-petition -- it could be called the God Will Games -- and
donate the proceeds to ending spiritual hunger on the planet. Regardless
of who wins the pray-offs, everyone will benefit.

3. Support the Alter Native Economy. If we're going to aggressively wage
peace, we want to spend more of our wages peacefully. So support the
alter native economy -- whatever alters the natives for the better. Our
lives are byproducts of what we buy. So if you want to counteract the
profits of doom, only buy products with healthful and helpful
byproducts. And consider trading in your old Dodge for an Evolvo and
running your karma on esteem. Rising esteem can actually improve the
overall atmosphere by causing the heart to warm, and the head to cool.
This may be the answer to global warming!

4. Support the Peace Effort on the Om Front. We've heard the experts say
nothing will bring peace, so I say let's prove 'em right. Our lives are
so filled up with somethings that we have no room for nothing anymore!
That's why my ultimate meditation tape, Sounds of Silence, is completely
blank. Think about it. Our minds are filled up with information
everywhere we go. After a busy day thinking of everything, what a
welcome relief it is to think of nothing. So as part of my work on
behalf of inner peace, you can now come to my Om Page and download as
much healing silence as you need -- absolutely free! And you can do your
part for world inner peace by sending some peaceful silence to a friend.
Sure this is a peacemeal approach, but it works. A little peace here, a
little peace there, and pretty soon you have one big peaceful meal
everywhere.

5. Spread Contagious Laughter Wherever You Go. If we truly want to bring
about Nonjudgment Day, we need to do whatever we can to increase the
laugh force on the planet. Take the funniest jokes from the internet,
and share them on the outernet. Commit random acts of harmless comedy.
Practice Fun-Shui by creating playful beauty everywhere. Make sure you
spend some time each week laughing with friends and loved ones. Remember
that when it comes to laughter, the more the merrier. And remember too,
what goes around comes around. In other words, the laugh you save may be
your own.

How to Turn Inner Peace Inside Out!

My friend Dean Sluyter, whose new book is called The Zen Commandments:
Ten Suggestions for a Life of Inner Freedom, (J.P. Tarcher, 2001) says:
"You know those spiritual practices we've been doing for all these
years? This is what we've been practicing for."

For while we can only exert a very limited levitational pull on the
gravity of worldwide events, we can still choose to be peaceful, loving
and yes -- even joyful -- within the scope of our own lives. Dean
recommends a daily practice which the Tibetans call tonglen. He calls it
"Bless Everyone:"

"Sit with eyes closed and allow another person's image to arise in the
space before you (or if you find it easier, just feel his or her
presence). Let the sense of separation between the two of you melt.
Imagine all the person's suffering, confusion and worry surrounding him
or her as a cloud of dark, hot, toxic smoke. Then as you inhale, draw
the smoke into your heart and purify it, transforming it into pure white
light. As you exhale, breathe out happiness and healing in the form of
that light, and shower the other person with it."

Listen to The Zen Commandments Innerview
All content © Steve Bhaerman, http://www.wakeuplaughing.com, 2002
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