Fw: Companies running Christmas

["Wayne H Beebe" <whbeebe@turbonet.com>]

 

 

 

Subject: Companies running Christmas

If Companies Ran Christmas

If IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where
kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving
presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe
processing time.

If Microsoft ran Christmas...
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy
a tree as well.  You wouldn't have to take the tree, but
you still have to pay for it anyway. Ornament/95 would
weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop
tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take
up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be
the first ornament that uses the colors red/green together.
It would interrogate your other decorations to find out who
made them. Most everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but
nonetheless would buy them since most of the other tree types
wouldn't work with their hooks.

If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but
years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring
of course).

If Silicon Graphics ran Christmas...
Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but would hang
on the tree remarkably quickly. Also the colors of the
ornaments would be prettier than most all the others.
Options would be available for 'equalization' of color
combinations on the tree.

If Dell ran Christmas...
Wait a minute? Isn't IBM running this Christmas..??

If Fisher Price ran Christmas...
"Baby's First Ornament" would have a hand-crank that you
turn to hang the thing on the tree.

If The Rand Corporation ran Christmas...
The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and
seamless black cubes.  Christmas morning there would be
presents for everyone, but no one would know what they
were.  Their service department would have an unlisted
phone number, and be located at the North Pole.  Blueprints
for ornaments would be highly classified government
documents. X-Files would have an episode about them.

If the NSA ran Christmas...
Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the
NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree
for reasons of national security.