Fw: Christnaukah?

["Wayne H Beebe" <whbeebe@turbonet.com>]

 

 

Christnukah

World's Largest Merger Announced:

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference
that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source
said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300
years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.  While
details were not available at press time, it is believed that
the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and
eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both
sides.  By combining forces, we're told, the  world will be
able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the
Fifteen Days of Christnukah, as the new holiday is being
called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids
a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of
the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew,
will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a
much wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great
miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the
more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is
believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his
vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their
gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the
agreement for at least three hundred years was the question
of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for
Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough
came last year, when Oreo cookies were finally declared to be
Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a
takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He
merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent
existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah
might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday
market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will
help to maintain the competitive balance.  Plus, polling data
show that of 100,000 international people surveyed 99% didn't
know or even care what Kwanzaa is.  He then closed the press
conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of
"Oy Vay,All Ye Faithful."

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