vision2020
Fwd: [Fwd: FW: Fwd[2]:Darwin Awards 1998]
Hi everyone --
If you haven't seen these already, well, you really ought to. Notice
most of them occurred while/after drinking heavily; something for
Vandal fans to keep in mind while leaving Bronco Stadium this weekend.
GO IDAHO!
:-) Briana
p.s. they have NOT been cleaned up for public consumption; I assume
everyone on this list is an adult!
Tim Meserth <meser871@uidaho.edu> wrote:
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> ATTACHMENT part 2 message/rfc822
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> THE 1998 DARWIN AWARDS
>
> They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
> Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
> universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the
> most extraordinarily stupid way.
>
> As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates
> appear to have trained their whole lives for this event.
>
> The Darwin Awards Nominees
>
> 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
> two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch wide
> sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>
> 2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally
> zoned when he ran,' according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
> 200-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> 3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
> dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said
> Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
> and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon
> when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
> beach, on the outer
> banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
> Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
> took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
> while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
> hospital.
>
> 4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
> fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
> in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
> skull as he hit the floor.
>
> 5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
> was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
> who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
> Berrena was wearing.
>
> 6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
> Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
> revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> 7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta,
> 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
> tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
>
> 8. [Ineligible, but credit given for trying] AUGUSTA, ME - Four people
> were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was
> admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was
> diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest,
> arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela
> Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off.
>
> Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and
> in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm
> still not sure why I did it,' she said later. 'I was really close to
> the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't
> have been for more than two seconds.'
>
> However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control of his cab,
> running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical
> Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
> Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building made her
> jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit
> down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was
> caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
>
> 9. [Ineligible, better luck next year!] TAOS, NM - A woman went to a
> poison control center after eating three birth-control vaginal
> inserts. Her English was so bad she had to draw a picture describing
> how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived
> shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie
> Valishnokov thought the inserts were
> some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers.
> After the third one, she realized something was wrong when her throat
> and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for the
> Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where doctors were able
> to flush the foam
>
> 10. [Ineligible, but a strong contender for 99] TACOMA, WA - Kerry
> Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
> they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
> Bridge in the middle of traffic.
>
> The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
> the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
> the bridge they discovered that no one had brought bungee rope.
>
> Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
> a coil of cable had been left near the railing. One end was tied to
> Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
> lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
> ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
> was rescued by two nearby fishermen. 'All I can say,'said Bingham, 'is
> that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other
> explanation for it. Bingham's foot was never located.
>
> 11. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a
> robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact
> that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally
> stupid choices as listed below:
> a) The target was H & J Leather and Firearms, a gun shop;
> b) The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
> portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
> handguns in public places;
> c) To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car
> parked at the front door;
> d) An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
> coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be
> robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and
> a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool.
> Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one
> else was hurt.
>
> 12. France: Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided
> to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a
> noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large
> rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried
> to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol.
> The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him.
>
> Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden
> dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was
> dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman, and was taken to
> hospital, where he died - of hypothermia.
>
>
> DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTION:
>
> 1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
> with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
> a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
> fracturing his skull.
>
> 2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
> cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
> torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
> house.
>
> 3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
> September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
> dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2AM, the
> bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to
> see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the
> window was closed.
>
> AND THE WINNER IS....
>
> Japan Times -- April 16, 1997
>
> "The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
> 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told
> reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream
> of Thailand's manhood."
>
> He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai
> Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most
> 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the
> nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating
> a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."
>
> It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still. He started
> using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough
> for him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the
> compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station.
>
> They dared him to do it, so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not
> realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into
> his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died
> virtually instantly, leaving passers-by still in shock. One woman
> thought she was watching a twilight firework display, and started
> clapping.
>
> "We still haven't located all of him", say the police authorities.
> "When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he
> nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something."
>
> "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan,"
> Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide
> your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
>
> Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed
> Darwin Award recipient!
>
>
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