Re: Parents and Schools

[lmelina@moscow.com (Lois Melina)]

It is hard to be the parent of a teenager.

Let's assume for a minute that the parents of these two teenagers WERE
concerned. The one student, according to reports, was a bright guy who was
well adjusted in his previous school. The family moved to Littleton and he
never was quite able to become integrated into his new school. Not unusual
for teenagers who transfer to new schools. What does a parent do? 

Take him to counseling.

Well, assuming you can even convince your teenager to go to counseling, you
can't make him talk. And if the individual doesn't want to be at a
counselor's, most counselors will tell you there's not much they can do to
help him.

Or, let's say this bright young man goes to a counselor and because he is
bright, says all the right things. Counselor concludes--kid is effectively
working through his problems. That is evidently the conclusion of the
officers who worked with these two after they were in a juvenile program for
breaking into a car. They wrote a glowing report of how reformed the kids were.

Or, let's say the teen goes to counseling and is starting to get help. It
doesn't happen overnight. 

Or, let's say you are the parent of a troubled teen and you can't afford
counseling. There is ONE school psychologist in Moscow for the junior high
and senior high--1200 students. She is excellent but cannot possibly provide
the kind of intensive services kids like this need. Anyone else costs a lot
of money, which not everyone can afford.

And what was the school to do, even if they identified this kid as a
troubled kid--expell him? he hadn't done anything yet. Tell his parents to
get him counseling? (see above) Search his backpack every day? Interview his
friends daily to see if he'd made threatening remarks?

I don't want to contribute to the sense of overwhelming hopelessness here,
just try to get to some realistic solutions. Perhaps what I'm saying here is
once you have a troubled kid, all your choices are poor. 

What might be helpful are more "support groups" in schools where students
could come together to talk about their problems and get help from each
other. This is what they are doing anyway when they join the Trench Coat
Mafia, but they need a group that directs them towards more appropriate
solutions.

Lois Melina
************************
Lois Melina
Editor, "Adopted Child" newsletter
P.O. Box 9362
Moscow ID 83843

phone: (208)882-1794
fax: (208)883-8035
Lmelina@moscow.com
www.raisingadoptedchildren.com