Re: 12 days of Christmas...2000

[Dean Pittenger <dpitt@moscow.com>]

I think this might be a nice turn of events...:

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
                     Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under
God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the recent Supreme Court
decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a
rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and
let Bush get away with this bullshit."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in
Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted
for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules
the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving
him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible
grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim
Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is
unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of
Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of
him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained
that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the
White House to "a friggin' idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real!
The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson,
Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron......"

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's
prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him later today.
In an
act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of
Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold
his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard
labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.





At 02:06 PM 12/17/2000 -0800, Don Roskovich wrote:
>This should clarify the recount for all......
> >
> >
> >12 days of Christmas...2000
> >
> >On the first recount of Christmas my country gave to me ... a disputed
> >presidency.
> >
> >On the second recount of Christmas my country gave to me ... two campaign
> >spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the third recount of Christmas my country gave to me ... three pregnant
> >chads, two campaign spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the fourth recount of Christmas my country gave to me ... four contested
> >ballots, three pregnant chads, two campaign spins, and a disputed
> >presidency.
> >
> >On the fifth recount of Christmas my country gave to me ... five... court
> >filings! -- Four contested ballots, three pregnant chads, two campaign
> >spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the sixth recount of Christmas my country gave to me... six
> >disenfranchised voters, five... court filings! Four contested ballots, three
> >pregnant chads, two campaign spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> > On the seventh recount of Christmas my country gave to me... seven
> >politicians babbling, six disenfranchised voters, five... court filings!
> >Four contested ballots, three pregnant chads, two campaign spins, and a
> >disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the eighth recount of Christmas my country gave to me... eight spokesmen
> >whining, seven politicians babbling, six disenfranchised voters, five...
> >court filings! Four contested ballots, three pregnant chads, two campaign
> >spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the ninth recount of Christmas my country gave to me... nine reporters
> >guessing, eight spokesmen whining, seven politicians babbling, six
> >disenfranchised voters, five... court filings! Four contested ballots, three
> >pregnant chads, two campaign spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the tenth recount of Christmas my country gave to me... ten legal
> >rulings, nine reporters guessing, eight spokesmen whining, seven politicians
> >babbling, six disenfranchised voters, five... court filings! Four contested
> >ballots, three pregnant chads, two campaign spins, and a disputed
> >presidency.
> >
> >On the eleventh recount of Christmas my country gave to me... eleven judges
> >judging, ten legal rulings, nine reporters guessing, eight spokesmen
> >whining, seven politicians babbling, six disenfranchised voters,
> >five...court filings! Four contested ballots, three pregnant chads, two
> >campaign spins, and a disputed presidency.
> >
> >On the twelfth recount of Christmas my country gave to me... twelve lawyers
> >lying, eleven judges judging, ten legal rulings, nine reporters guessing,
> >eight spokesmen whining, seven politicians babbling, six disenfranchised
> >voters, five... court filings! Four contested ballots, three
> >pregnant chads, two campaign spins... and... a disputed presidency!
> >
> >
> >