>
> Were you aware of this breaking news item?
>
> ----------
> > Subject: Microsoft to buy the U.S. Government
> >
> > REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
> made
> > by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that
>
> it
> > will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of
> America
> > for an undisclosed sum.
> >
> > "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said
> Microsoft
> > chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement
> for
> > everyone."
> >
> > Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
> White
> > House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
> press
> > that changes will be "minimal." The United States will be managed as a
>
> > wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
> planned
> > for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
> > profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president
> Steve
> > Ballmer.
> >
> > In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
> and
> > enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
> Microsoft,
> > and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting
> > directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle
> of
> > executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a
> > relief." He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and
>
> > that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and
> > confidence." Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the
> > $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at
> > Microsoft.
> >
> > Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
>
> as
> > "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
>
> > U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
> > Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
> > abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how
> > well we're doing."
> >
> > When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
> proceeding,
> > Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place."
> Microsoft
> > representatives closed the conference by stating that United States
> > citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
> > services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
> >
> > Disgruntled ex-employee, Janet Reno, has filed a complaint with the
> > Federal Employement Review Commission.
>
> Har!
>
> Don
>